Harnessing the Power of Education for Greater Change
Changing the Narrative
How do we change who are are?
How do we solve problems that are bigger than us?
Who are we to decide what a proper education is?
Who am I to create my education?
These are common questions that students ask when they pursue self-education. Approaching them in a certain way can lead to limiting beliefs while approaching them in another way could be extremely powerful.
Let's try to look at these questions in a way that empowers us.
Let's take a look at the "Let's Take a Break" Theory from Chuck Palahniuk.
This theory starts with some assumptions:
Time - People have more time than they ever had in history. We don't have to dedicate as much time and energy to survival as we used to.
Education - people have more access to information and are taught more information than any other generation in history.
Technology - people have more access to technology for creating, portraying, expressing, accessing, and disseminating a story or anything than ever. The internet is the perfect example of this. Each person is their multi-media channel.
Dissatisfaction - people are unhappy with the stories portrayed today because they've seen so many versions of the same types of stories. This pushes people to say "screw it, I'm just going to do it myself."
Experience - baby boomers are feeling this right now - there's a time when they have a moment where they say "Let's take a break" and take stock of their lives. They check through all the boxes, but they realize that parts of their story which is their life are lost and fractionated. They worry that they'll never be fully understood by their descendants, especially their children. They also need to make sense of their life up to this point, they can't live an unexamined life.
People don’t have a large, overarching story, or metanarrative. They have their small stories, but those aren't usually chosen for us and distract us from what's important and meaningful.
People have the capabilities to create this metanarrative, and the best part is that it doesn't have to conflict with current metanarratives.
Changing the metanarrative is one of the most effective ways of implementing social change in the community and with ourselves. For example, if we have a shortage of oil, changing the narrative so we don't need cars anymore would eliminate our need for oil. But reacting to it wastes energy and makes the problem stronger.
Aim to find a story that makes all our current worries negligible.
That's what will set us free from our issues.
Change our story, change everything.
So let's look at those questions again:
How do we change who are are? We change our story.
How do we solve problems that are bigger than us? Start by realizing our potential is bigger than those problems and educating ourselves to bring out that potential.
Who are we to decide what a proper education is? We are the judge of our education because obtaining a proper education is a unique journey for everyone.
Who am I to create my education? We create our lives, and to create the life we desire, we need to create our education.
But it’s not enough to want to change, we also need tools and systems.
“I could not become anything; neither good nor bad; neither a scoundrel nor an honest man; neither a hero nor an insect. And now I am eking out my days in my corner, taunting myself with the bitter and entirely useless consolation that an intelligent man cannot seriously become anything, that only a fool can become something.” ― Fyodor Dostoevsky
“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” - Lao Tzu (601 BC - 531 BC)
Initiating and facilitating change can fill many books and courses, but this lesson is meant to explore our understanding of how our minds deal with change.
With this understanding comes the ability to manipulate ourselves into breaking the habits we don't want and starting the habits we do.
I like to think of change as a function of two separate processes.
The 1st: Knowing what to change into, a.k.a. Setting the Stage
The 2nd: Overcoming the resistance to change.
Setting the Stage
It’s not enough to want to change.
We have to know what we want to change into.
We can’t change into new clothes without having new clothes.
Two Schools of Thought
When it comes to setting the stage for change two schools of thought tend to dominate most of the conversation.
The first is people who think they need to change everything about themselves. They don't know enough and do everything wrong. These people usually don’t want any new undertakings since they see themselves as someone who isn't capable.
The second is people who think they don't need to change at all. They think they know everything and are oblivious to their mistakes. These people are usually arrogant, bite off more than they can chew, and rarely achieve anything substantial.
Most people fall somewhere in between.
So that begs the question:
How much change do you believe you need to make?
People who think like the 1st group may have more to work with than they think and will probably want to focus on optimizing the skills and knowledge they already have.
People who think like the 2nd group may want to reevaluate their value structures and ask themselves if they are still working properly. If you think your life is perfect, then they are working just fine...but is it perfect?
BUT…before you go change everything, you will want to ask yourself:
"If I were to change and get my intended result, what would that do for me?"
I got this question from Russell Brand and I think it's great because it gives us the real goal to focus on. Usually, it isn't the good grades that are going to make us happy. It might be the feeling of accomplishment after completing something hard or peace of mind knowing that you're doing everything right.
It's not about getting good grades, it's about what the good grades get us.
That is the real goal.
After asking myself this question, I found that a lot of the things I wanted to change about myself had overlapping benefits. This helped me focus on the few things I needed to change.
This is also a great question because I see it as a sort of "cheat code" to life. Instead of focusing on what we think the problem is, we shift our focus to the source of what we want and go after that instead.
I asked myself this question last month when I was confronting my own physical Everest. I've always been skinny and I wanted to put on a few pounds to bulk up for summer. So instead of telling myself "I NEED to get buff!" I asked myself "If I were to get buff, what would that do for me?" and I realized that I wanted to get buff to earn the respect of others, feel more confident in myself, and be physically stronger.
Spoiler Alert: I didn't get buff. But, learning this new insight allowed me to focus on earning the respect of others, feeling more confident, and becoming physically stronger. I'm not saying we shouldn't accomplish any goal we think we want to accomplish, I'm just saying be crystal clear on why we want to change ourselves.
Overcoming the Resistance
It is difficult for us to change because our pathological tendencies in adulthood were developed as solutions to problems when we were younger. We resist letting go of these tendencies because our identity is developed from these tendencies and we cling to them in self-preservation. Therefore, changing requires intense effort for long periods and one should expect to feel a lot of negative emotions. The negative emotions don’t mean that we’re on the wrong path but on the right one.
Whenever we want to change, our brain will look for reasons to not.
According to Ramit Sethi, a NYT Best Selling Author who also received his Masters degree in Sociology from Stanford, there are 3 manifestations of doubt:
What if-ing - these can illicit powerful emotions from you but keep in mind that these scenarios are not always valid reasons to give in to doubt “Everyone who's created something valuable -- whether it's an online business, a work of art, even a great speech -- faced doubts like these. The difference is, they trusted themselves enough to acknowledge these doubts, then set them aside and took action."
Slicing the Pie - the next easiest crutch for us to lean on is saying “I don’t have time” or “I can’t afford that” when we all have the same 24 hours in a day and can save money for the things we find important. Pay attention to the VALUE vs. the cost of something. Keep in mind the cost of missing out as well. Ask yourself “How can I make time for this?” Or “How can I afford this?”
Alibi-hunting - people love to hunt for an alibi to use to not take action. And once they found an obscure reason not to join, suddenly they felt liberated to justify their inaction. Special Snowflake Syndrome. "I can't do X because I have this super special situation that doesn't allow me any freedom to do X."
When we do something new for the first time we experience cognitive dissonance because our brain thinks we are doing something wrong, but over time we will habituate. Anyone who's tried to brute force change a behavior knows what I'm talking about.
Mantras and affirmations help override that conative dissonance.
Tell yourself that you are doing the right thing and tell yourself often, but there are other ways to hack our minds' compliance systems:
Six Methods to Engineer Compliance (When Logic Fails Us)
I got these methods from Tim Ferriss:
Make it Conscious - mindfulness. Be aware and intentional when trying to start a new habit. Accidental habits are usually the worst for us.
Make it a Game - the stickiness of 5 sessions. Reward yourself when you get to 5 sessions of a new habit. According to Nike, it only takes 5 logged sessions of an activity to make it a new habit. Go for five.
Make it Competitive - fear of loss and benefit of comparison. It sucks to lose and it's great to win. Adding a competitive element to whatever you do creates a natural Tracking-Loss Aversion dynamic but also brings another person into the mix for accountability. I'd say this is the most effective method Tim recommends.
Make it Small and Temporary - easy and quick. If the new habit is little and doesn’t take much time, then you'll have a higher success rate implementing it in your life. Anyone can do anything for two weeks but you don't even have to commit yourself for that long. Just aim for the five sessions and watch yourself make progress.
Lower Your Standards - lower your standards until you can start. Start with micro assignments. Can't study a whole chapter for math? No worries, just do one problem. Can't read that book for English? No worries, just read a page. Make the bar so low that starting is cake, then let the momentum take you.
Keep Things Simple - I believed I could handle complex things well and that gave me a competitive advantage since the games I played had a high barrier to entry. I could win, but then realized that I was just fighting myself. “What might this look like if it was easy?” - complexity can come later, but if it is complex at the beginning you will not want to do it.
Try answering the following questions:
How much do I need to change? (Answer in terms of how many skills do I need to learn/improve)
If I were to change and get the intended result, what would that do for me?
What can I do to get the benefits of that change today?
What emotions will I expect to feel when I start changing?
What will I do to keep those emotions from stopping me?
Reality-Possibility Exchange
"You can be anything you want, just not everything you want." - David Allen (1945- )
When we are young, a large part of our excitement comes from the idea that we can be anything we want. Our lives have huge amounts of potential just waiting to manifest into something real. Children get a rush from the idea of becoming astronauts, doctors, firemen, teachers, mermaids, and superheroes when they grow up but as they get older they realize that they may not get to be all of these things.
At some point, we have to trade out our ability to be anything for the ability to be something. I believe this is one of the biggest markers between children and adults. Adults inherently have less potential to manifest than children and it drains them of their energy. I believe this is why kids seem so full of life while adults can be a little more dreary.
We are in love with potential and possibility. They are the lifeblood of our souls.
But at some point, we have to make the Reality-Possibility Exchange.
The Reality-Possibility Exchange is not something that comes across us one day. It is something that we have to actively bring about to make anything of serious significance. We must decide to trade our possibility with reality and this tends to be a painful process.
We are in love with what could be and the realities of what is usually fails in comparison to the potential we see in things.
Making this exchange is not something we like to do but it is something that must be done to create. Initially, the project will be way under satisfactory standards, but over time with great care, the project can turn into something that far exceeds the imagination.
It is okay to do something badly at first and improve it later. This took me years of making literally insane mistakes to learn. I would get so upset that pure genius wasn't flowing from my fingertips at every moment. How arrogant.
Making this exchange is different than being unsatisfied with our work. It is more of a practice of humility and a way to take pride in the things that end up becoming reality.
The Dangers of Not Exchanging
If we refuse to make this exchange we can find ourselves in a few different situations:
We will be surrounded by a million ideas that we started, but never came to fruition
We will be immensely unsatisfied with the ideas that have manifested in the world
We will find ourselves paralyzed by our delusions of believing that whatever we produce must be perfect, resulting in nothing at all
We will easily be stopped in the pursuit of our goals or during a hiccup in the creative process.
Peter Pan: A Cautionary Tale
A great example of the dangers of not participating in the Reality-Possibility Exchange is outlined in the classic story, Peter Pan. Peter Pan is a character who epitomizes the refusal to grow up and face the realities of life.
Peter Pan is not just a whimsical figure, but is a representation of raw potential, much like children who can become anything. His name, Pan, means everything. Highlighting the symbolism that children can be anything.
Peter Pan lives in Neverland, where you never have to grow up or do anything. Pan lives as king of the Lost Boys (King of the Losers). Not growing up will surround you with losers who are easily forgettable. Many people who recall the movie, tend to forget that the Lost Boys are characters at all.
But the question is: Why does Peter Pan not want to grow up?
Pan's perspective on adulthood is shaped by his experiences and observations of Captain Hook. Hook is Pan's example of an adult, and Pan sees Hook as cruel and mean. Pan doesn't want to be cruel and mean, so he decides he doesn't want to grow up.
This is the wrong conclusion.
There are behaviors and beliefs that adults have that may seem cruel and mean from the perspective of a child, but are not.
However, Pan does have a point. Hook is a jerk...but why?
Captain Hook has lost a hand to the only thing he is afraid of. The infamous crocodile with a clock in its stomach. The crocodile represents time. As we get older, time takes a piece of us. Just like the crocodile took a piece of Hook. Time is a scary monster that many adults spend their days actively running away from. The truth is, one day that monster will get us.
Adults respond differently to this fate. Some allow this to corrupt them and they develop cruelty and resentment. I believe Captain Hook is like this. He is cruelly handling the realities of time and it's no surprise that Pan doesn't want to be like him.
However, if adults can accept their fate with grace, they could inspire children to want to grow up. I believe this is the way to properly engage with the Reality-Possibility Exchange.
There is another character in the movie, Wendy. She initially shares Pan's reluctance to grow up, but realizes through her perilous adventures that embracing adulthood and its responsibilities is a fulfilling journey, a realization that Pan never comes to. As a consequence of not wanting to grow up, Pan loses his opportunity at a real relationship with Wendy and is left with Tinkerbell as his companion. Tinkerbell is the representation of the unattainable fantasy partner. She is silent and over-sexualized, which is a stark contrast to the fulfilling reality of mature relationships.
Refusing to grow up will destroy our chances at real mature relationships.
Pan quite often loses his shadow. In the movie, Pan's shadow disconnects from him and causes all sorts of trouble. This represents his inability to integrate his shadow. This lack of shadow integration represents the inner turmoil of those who refuse to mature.
Refusing to grow up will cause us to trip over ourselves. We become our own worst enemy.
Peter's eternal childhood in Neverland, while seemingly idyllic, is a cautionary tale about the pitfalls of refusing the reality-possibility exchange necessary for true growth and fulfillment.
Not wanting to trade our possibilities for reality can stop us from accomplishing so many things.
We don't get to choose whether or not we get to sacrifice. However, we do get to choose our sacrifice.
It's easy to trick ourselves into thinking that we are only holding on to our possibility by not dedicating ourselves to something, but in actuality, we are trading our potential for failure.
I see this all the time with teenagers that I teach. They believe that if they do not try, then they cannot fail. The reality is that we are failing, we just don't know we are failing. When we try and fail, then we have an opportunity to learn. When we don't try at all, we fool ourselves into thinking we are without error.
We must make the trade, it's better to decide what we are trading rather than be a drifter and take whatever life gives us.
Try answering the following questions:
What is something new or unique that you can offer to the world? What are the first steps to sharing that with the world? Answer as clearly as you can.
-or-
What do you want to be in the world? Just pick one thing for now.
What skills and knowledge do you need to obtain to consider yourself fit for that role?
What will you do to obtain the aforementioned skills and knowledge?