Every year I try to track my life through monthly themes.
The process is relatively simple – I pick two weaknesses that I feel like need to work on and I give those two themes a little more attention each month.
At the beginning and end of the month, I write down my thoughts on the process.
I started doing this halfway through 2019.
I did it completely in 2020.
I missed a few months in 2021.
I only managed to do two months in 2022.
This year, I did zero.
Again, I fell into a pattern that I cannot break. I thought this was the year I won’t be able to complete a reflection. 2023 is the year my yearly reviews die.
Then I realized… that’s exactly what I thought last year…and the year before…
I noticed this pattern when I read this sentence from last year’s review.
Funny enough, I felt as if I ruined my yearly tradition by not reflecting…but that is something I felt last year as well.
I’m worried I may be crazy, but I’m going to attribute this to being human.
Since I don’t have my themes to give me a guiding structure, I’m just going to reflect on a few key moments of my year.
Moved into Our First Home
Buying a house was a big deal for me.
For as long as I could remember, I wanted my own space. I remember driving to work one day after moving into the house and crying tears of joy because I felt like all my decades of hard work had finally shown some signs of paying off.
For the first time in my life, I feel like I have a space that’s just for me and my family to grow and thrive.
Not having this was tough on my mental health. Not only wanting this for myself but not being able to provide this for my family was compounding the misery.
For the first time in my life, I got to let go of all of that.
Having my own space in the physical world provides me the opportunity to reevaluate which unhealthy coping mechanisms I developed throughout my life. As a result, I have become way more emotionally and mentally healthy, although I am not where I want to be just yet.
Funny enough, when we first moved in, my downstairs bathroom flooded and the construction company played all sorts of games with us. A lot of that relief quickly turned into stress and regret. My kitchen was a construction zone for months and with the holes in the walls and floors, my downstairs developed a rodent problem.
Once everything was fixed, it was all worth it.
My life would not be my life if there weren’t challenges that made me question everything.
What I think is crazy is that I couldn’t afford this house with just my salary as a teacher. I was able to supplement our buying power by being a property manager for my mother-in-law’s rental property. She has a history of getting the short end of the stick with her tenets and I just came off one of my obsessive learning binges. I spent months obsessively learning about real estate investing and property management. I was able to apply what I learned and it translated to money for my family.
This is not a frequent outcome for me.
I usually learn skills and don’t turn them into dollars for my family, but this time it happened and it opened my eyes to what I could do if I never stop learning.
I always believed there was power in learning, but my life was challenging that belief for me. Right before I lost all faith in it, I was given the opportunity and it paid off exactly when we needed it in the way that we needed it. Perhaps that’s why I spent the rest of the year trying to learn even more and deeper than before.
Last Family Trip of 3
We took our last trip as a family of 3. We went to San Diego and it was a dream. My wife and I joke that traveling with the family is never a vacation, it’s a trip. It’s not relaxing, but it is an exciting adventure full of memory-building experiences. We also knew it was going to be our last trip as a group of 3, so we decided to take advantage of it.
Little did we know, we took the trip just a week before our second little girl joined the family.
I also got a PS5. That seems trivial, but if you know me, it’s a big deal. I wanted one since it came out, but I always saw it as too expensive or they were out of stock. Since I already bought the house and the console was nearly 50% off, my wife told me to buy it. She knows I will find every excuse to not reward myself or not buy what I want, and I’m so thankful she pushed me over the edge because I love that damn machine
I also need to learn how to let myself have what I want…a lesson I am still learning.
Welcomed Baby Girl #2
Our beautiful baby girl joined the party 6 weeks early. The labor was a lot smoother than the first, but there were still some bumps along the way. Our little girl had to spend the first week of her life in the NICU. She’s now thriving and healthy and I couldn’t be more overjoyed to be her father.
This girl has taught me a few things.
each kid you have is their own person and completely different.
kids do not have to share their parent’s love. The parent’s love expands to love each child as much as they need.
I was really worried about having a favorite kid (crazy to think about now), but now I see that our children do not have to share space in our hearts because our hearts grow twice as big.
This little girl is so special and lovely. She’s extraordinarily physical and moves a ton! It’s an honor and privilege to be her father.
I have a very different relationship with my 2nd daughter than my 1st. I did spend a lot of time with her at the beginning, which makes all the difference. This girl genuinely sees me as a source of comfort and safety. My oldest, not so much. haha, I’m sure things will change as they get older.
Paternity Leave
I had three months off for paternity leave. I decided to take it all at once. Right now my job is a teacher, so it was nice having time off right before summer vacation. I had to return for finals week, but that was light work.
In total, I had nearly 5 months of no job.
This time was a beautiful reminder of why I work extra to be financially independent. I had that same feeling during COVID. I’ve been chasing it ever since. No physical obligation is my next big goal.
Being able to give my daughters and wife the support they need without the time pressures of knowing when I have to be at work, is the difference between a dream lifestyle and the gross reality of the “9-5.” If the girls woke up at 4 am and didn’t go back to sleep, no big deal. If they had a crappy night's sleep, no big deal. Any time inconvenience is no big deal. That takes a lot of pressure off parenting.
Not to mention all the time I got to spend with just being with my kids. I didn’t get time off when my first daughter was born, so this was extra special for me. Time with my family is the greatest way to spend my time.
No job hiatus would be complete without video games. That PS5 purchase right before paternity leave was clutch. Video games and time with my family are the right way to do paternity leave.
If I could somehow make my life have that schedule, that would be amazing.
Secret Wedding
We finally made it government official. This year Kyra and I got married. It was at a courthouse by the beach. It was small and inconveniently in between naps like all other things in our lives.
I never cared for the institution of marriage, but looking in Kyra’s eyes and saying the vows to her made me realize how much I want to celebrate our love to the highest capacity we can.
Our love is something so special and needs to be celebrated. It is rare and good.
I am so lucky to have her in my life. I often feel like finding Kyra is the biggest win I could have ever gotten in my life. Our relationship is fantastic, unbelievable, and irreplaceable.
One day we will celebrate the way it deserves.
Landscaping Our Backyard
I did this all on my own. Like literally the whole thing.
Like many projects, I thought it would just take a few weeks but it took months.
I kept thinking of that quote “We don’t do things because they are easy, we do them because we think they would be easy” or something to that effect.
What I thought would be a quick weekend project turned out the be one of the highlights of my year:
So much of my effort and training has not been in the mechanical or physical manipulation of the world. Repeatedly, I have been confronted with my ignorance of this new terrain. I’m getting better at it now and these sorts of tasks intimidate me less, but it’s exciting to dive into a whole new world of learning and understanding. It’s impossible to be a homeowner without learning about mechanical or physical manipulation. Yeah, I got a degree in engineering, but those classes were not hands-on. Hands-on is a completely different world.
I got decent workouts. Moving the rocks, laying the weed barrier, and hand-tilling the ground was intense.
I have never been so physically exhausted, but it was also so satisfying. The satisfaction I got from it was extraordinary though. Honestly, I think about that feeling most days. I see pushing my limits differently now. While I still loved pushing them, there is a deeper internal satisfaction that comes from pushing myself. All. The. Way.
I think of a quote: “Exhaustion is the reward of a long day’s work, not the cost.”
I believe there are few things more true than this statement. I find myself seeking the exhaustion.
There is a ton of satisfaction when I see real, tangible, progress of something I’m working on. I realized that I am divorced between my output and inputs. I have a tough time measuring my progress. Maybe for a lack of clarity or discipline? Regardless, I need to begin tracking more.
A lot of what I do is manipulating symbols and cognitive gymnastics. While I believe that the nature of the work makes it hard to measure, perhaps I need to reevaluate how I measure my work.
I think humans need to see progress and physical labor is great for that.
My relationship with physical labor has changed. While I didn’t mind it before, I have developed a deeper appreciation for it.
The Most Painful Loss
I had a loss that will change me forever. This time has given me a new perspective on my life that I know I will always draw from.
Often I feel like I can’t do things or I’m not ready to do things.
Most of the time it’s just a story I tell myself. When I’m in the moment, I am thoroughly convinced it is true. But I know after experiencing this loss; that it’s just a story.
Not being able to do something, even if I wanted to rise to a seemingly impossible challenge, is very different than thinking I can’t.
STEAM Summit
I had the privilege of being a presenter for the STEAM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Art, and Mathematics) Summit at my school district. It was a meeting of science educators from all over the county ranging from elementary school teachers to college professors.
The professor from UCR was incredible. His presentation was on how he is using AI, candy, and medicine to remedy societal counterfeit drug problems. His presentation was humbling and exciting to watch. He reminded me that there are brilliant people that are close by and not just on social media.
The title of my presentation was called: Mindful Teaching: Leveraging Cognitive Psychology and Biology for Effective Management
It was pretty much a bunch of the things I learned to help me survive my intern year as a teacher. The biggest challenge I had was classroom management, but I was able to use my knowledge of biology and psychology to get the students on my side with less stress on me and them.
I was extremely nervous to give the presentation. The idea of sharing my teaching strategies with people who have been teaching much longer than me was nerve-racking. Just to up the stakes for my ego, the professor who gave the incredible keynote dedicated to choosing my lesson to sit in on.
This was the first time I shared my ideas with other, more experienced, teachers. This was validating for me and the things I want to do with the education company.
It’s so cool to see reality start to align with what I had in my head.
What’s crazy for me, was how little effort it took to put the presentation together, get over myself, and deliver the information. At least, little effort compared to what I have been doing with the courses and books I’m writing.
I just need to keep confronting what’s scary, working harder than everyone else, and stay true to myself. Sounds cheesy, but this experience made that so real for me.
Fear is a mile wide and an inch deep. Once we walk in, we realize it’s not a big deal at all.
Same Job, New Community
I still work at the public high school. Although it’s the same job, there’s been a lot of changes that completely altered my experience there.
First off, Dr. Rice is back on the admin team. And he is the new principal! He’s replacing another who I was not a fan of. This guy is the one who interviewed and hired me when others believed I would not be an asset. Needless to say, this has opened up a lot of new doors for me at the school. It’s nice being a teacher with an admin who not only supports you but is on the same frequency as you. Additionally, he is a high performer. This is nice because I feel like I can shine as bright as I can without being worried that he would try to take me down. This was a clear threat with the last leadership. He makes me want to be a better leader and provide that to others. He’s proven to me that there are people who do make excellence a virtue and that is something refreshing to see in real life. Sometimes, I feel like I’m not shining bright enough! A feeling that I have not felt in a long time.
On top of that, the science teachers I had next door moved to a new building. This changed things for me. The new teachers in the rooms are great, but I don’t have that feeling of “the new guy” anymore. Being split from my other chemistry veteran teachers has given me a subconscious freedom to follow my gut when it comes to this job. They didn’t intentionally hold me back, it’s just that they saw me as a new guy so I saw myself as the new guy (despite working in education longer than both of them). Now that I only see them during department meetings, I noticed my perspective change. Additionally, one of the new adjacent teachers was a first-year teacher. He seemed like a nice guy, but it was interesting to meet someone else who saw me as an experienced teacher. It was a cool opportunity to pay it forward like other teachers did for me when I first started.
Since getting closer to higher-ups at work, I found myself in more involved decision-making groups at the school. After showing my capabilities a little more, Dr. Rice invited me to join the school-wide leadership team. It was a group made of dedicated veteran teachers who represented every part of the school body. He got everyone together to express the problems on the campus as well as potential solutions for changing the culture. As someone who spent many years critiquing the education system and those who work within it, this was such an eye-opening experience. So many of those experienced teachers are extremely bright. Some aren’t, but some are. The ones who I respect are truly running the school and making decisions that massively impact the education of the kids in that area. It was cool to see that I was part of this group. It was also humbling because many of those people were addressing issues that I had no clue about. Even though I’ve been working in education for a while and at that school for years, I was so clearly the smallest fish in a bigger pond. I’m grateful for this experience though because I was getting frustrated of feeling like the biggest fish in the pond. A simple change in community has put me in a bigger pond and I can see that I am trying to grow to get bigger here. While I don’t want to be part of this leadership team, or school, for a very long time, I can see that the growth I can get from these people is right in my ZPD and I can take it with me anywhere. It’s so insightful to see how decisions and change get made on a larger level.
Dr. Rice asked me to be the BSU advisor. This, being involved in the school-wide leadership team, and rereading Art of War has leveled up my leadership skills. These experiences showed me what it is like to lead larger groups of people. Before this, I was used to teams of 12 or less or a classroom of 38, but now I’m more confident in my ability to lead large groups of people. I learned a few lessons here:
Any general can find victory through struggle, it is the clever general who finds victory through ease.
The leader’s job is to give general instructions to their sub-leaders. The sub-leaders then give more specific instructions to the subordinates. The specificity of the instructions corresponds to how much lower on the chain of command someone is. For example; the principal gives general instructions to the leadership team, the leadership team gives more specific instructions to teachers, and teachers give even more specific instructions to the students.
Running a team of 1000 people is the same as running a team of 50. Break them up into groups and committees with leaders.
Most people are not emotionally aware nor think in first principles.
This experience has given me more confidence to run my team later in the future. This year has taught me so much about claiming my power, using everything at my disposal, and delegation.
The last big change at work was teaching the All Male AVID 11 class. This is a project I know 99.99% of people would probably believe is a nightmare scenario, and there were a few days where I believed that too. But in the end, it’s proven to be a great class. I was able to use a lot of what I know about male development and the male experience to give my guys a space on campus that’s different from anywhere else in the world. Despite what many people believe, most of the world is not set up for “boys to be boys” especially not in the world of education. I believe guys are being held to the female standard in education and we are forcing our young men to bury themselves. I was also able to implement the self-authoring program in the class. Unfortunately, I got poor buy-in. It’s tough to get teenage boys to write. My requests were definitely above grade level, but I believe it was a massive success nonetheless. I did the self-authoring program alongside them and I had a massive breakthrough. I discovered that my creativity is fundamentally a net good for humanity and by not sharing my creative mind I actively make life worse for myself and everyone else. My creativity gives other people things to be excited about and access to a new and hopeful future, but I rob everyone of that because I am worried about being vulnerable or looking stupid. I hope I truly overcome this in 2024.
I’m excited to see where this class goes next semester.
Revamping Mukiibi Enterprise
There were many times when I believed that Mukiibi Enterprise was dead and it was not worth keeping it as a business. This year I decided that is not the fate I want for my company.
I can’t help but think that it’s all that I have to keep the Mukiibi name going…if I quit, I will have abandoned the vision I originally had for the company.
I want Mukiibi Enterprise to be one of the largest footprints that my family leaves in this country. To make this happen, I need to stay persistent. I need to fill the gaps that I do not know. I need to accept where I am deficient and get better.
So I began revamping everything and challenging everything I know about business. One of the biggest changes I’m making is that I’m narrowing my number of sources and rereading, rewatching, and relearning everything.
I believe what has been missing in my company is clarity, and since I am missing clarity, I cannot focus. Lack of focus has been killing me and my company.
So this year I learned more about business than I ever have. This is the first time I’m only consuming a small number of sources. I used to pride myself on being able to take in a ton of information from many places, and maybe there was a time when that served me, but I suspect that is not what I need at this stage of my life and business.
I’ve been doing a lot of “zero to one” work with setting up my education business. I feel like I’ve been doing zero to one for years and I’ve noticed that I have been resentful that I am not at the “two to n” stage yet. I haven’t done all of the zero-to-one work that’s necessary to get to two to n. It took me a while to accept this. I believe that two to n is much easier than zero to one, I don’t know if it will be true for this business, but that belief has not been serving me so I have to ditch it.
Less optimally, my fear of failure is stronger than ever. My risk tolerance is lower than ever: having a family and bills puts a damper on my resources and decision-making. But I have to make it work regardless.
I’m repeatedly finding myself in positions of doing things that I have never done before to get results that I never had before. While it sounds obvious, “do different stuff to get different results,” it’s extraordinarily difficult to live out. There are nearly crippling amounts of uncertainty surrounding every aspect of my business (and my life) and I’m working hard to make sure it doesn’t get the best of me. Some days it does, some days it doesn’t, but it’s always a struggle.
I’ve always known that we can push the buttons of the universe and influence outcomes. That’s a large part of what makes life fun for me. It’s a large part of what draws me to entrepreneurship. But now, I want to explore how other people have been pushing buttons to get the outcomes they are getting.
I’ve been alive long enough to see the differences in inputs and outputs between my life and other people’s and there are many cases of people who have lives that are more aligned with what I have envisioned for myself. I want to push the buttons of the universe in a different way than I see and understand.
I want to start playing different games.
This entire year I felt like I wasn’t as productive as I wanted to be, but I’m trying to see it as digging deeper roots to grow taller later.
In the fall and winter seasons, trees send most of their energy down to their roots. On the outside, they look like they aren’t making progress, but in reality, the roots are growing bigger and deeper so the tree can grow much higher later.
I need to have faith that the enormous amount of work I have been pouring into myself, my family, and my business are growing deeper roots and those roots will give me what I need to grow tall in the future.
What a year it has been. I am excited to see what is in store for the next one.